Laughable Labels

Standard

You probably read the labels on food products you consume, but have you ever stopped to read the tiny printed labels on other items you use every day in your home?

You might be surprised, entertained, or even spooked at what you’ll find!

Here are some examples of thought provoking labels found on common household products:

A box of cotton swabs:
“CAUTION! Do not insert in ear canal.”
(Hmmm…Isn’t this what we use them for?)

A bottle of sun block:
“Do not use near heat.”
(Better not bring sun block to the beach on a blazing hot summer day!)

A stick of roll-on deodorant:
“Do not use on broken skin.”
(Ladies – Better not roll on that deodorant after shaving under your arms if you nicked yourself!)

A tube of sensitive formula toothpaste:
“When using this product, do not use for more than four weeks unless recommended by a dentist or physician.”
a. (Since when do we need a doctor’s recommendation to use toothpaste?)
“Keep out of reach of children.”
b. (No, just let the kid’s sensitive little teeth rot out of their head.)
“If more than used for brushing is accidentally swallowed, get medical help or contact a Poison Control Center right away.”
c. (Who knew that brushing one’s teeth could be hazardous to one’s health? What’s in this stuff anyway?)

A canister of bargain brand, sugar free powdered Pink Lemonade mix: “Warning: Manufactured in a facility that processes milk, eggs, almonds, cashews, pistachios, walnuts, wheat and soybeans.”
(Drum roll please-and the Jeopardy question of the day? What do nuts, dairy products and eggs have in common with Pink Lemonade? I’ll take ‘Bargain Brand Factory Products’ for $700)

A box of plastic wrap:
“Do not use in cribs, beds, strollers or playpens.”
(Ok…so when was the last time YOU wrapped your kid’s bed in plastic wrap, just in case they wet the bed?)

A box of aluminum foil:
“Caution. To avoid possible heat damage, do not cover oven floor with aluminum foil.”
(Well I’ll be…and I thought aluminum foil was made to withstand heat! Yikes- Grandma’s nifty trick for making oven cleaning a snap could have melted the inside of the oven. Wonders never cease.)

A canister of powdered, non-dairy coffee creamer:
“This product should not be stored or used near a high heat source.”
(So, no more of this setting the powered coffee creamer next to the hot coffee pot business, unless you like playing Russian Roulette with explosives.)

A box of flea and tick collars for cats and kittens:
“HAZARDOUS TO HUMANS AND DOMESTIC ANIMALS. Directions: Remove collar from package, unroll and stretch to activate insecticide generator.”
(Translation: Failure to stretch this product before use will result in a flea ridden feline.)

“FIRST AID: If on skin or in eyes, rinse skin immediately or hold eye open and rinse slowly for 15-20 minutes.”
(Ok, so let me get this straight: to do this, bend over backwards at kitchen sink; place head in sink so eye lines up with faucet head; hold eye open and rinse s-l-o-w-l-y for 15-20 minutes. Sounds worse than water boarding! Better yet, just cut the tainted hand off and poke yourself in the eye with the other hand. And don’t forget to say a prayer as you wrap that deadly collar around Fluffy’s sweet little neck.)

A package of napkins:
“CAUTION: ANY PAPER PRODUCT CAN BURN IF USED IMPROPERLY. Do not dry food, herbs or flowers on paper napkins in microwave or conventional oven.”
(Ok, can’t remember the last time I put a napkin in the conventional oven. But in the microwave? I’m lucky I haven’t burned the house down by now! I wonder if the same rule applies to paper towels?)

A package of paper towels:
“Since wet paper towels may occasionally transfer ink to some surfaces, use the un-printed side for best results or use white paper towels in the microwave.”
(Gosh! If this is true, I should have died from ink poisoning years ago!)

A bottle of apple-scented children’s bubble blowing solution:
“Not intended for human consumption.”
(Don’t even get me started on this one.)

The morale of the story? Stupid people who don’t bother to read labels + products with hidden hazards = lawsuit mania for manufacturer’s! Always read the fine print!

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