How to Open a Sealed CD

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Welcome to  Melody’s Musings!

In honor of this inaugural post, it seemed fitting to introduce you to my wacky world by kicking things off with my take on a universal quest to solve one of life’s ‘lil frustrations – How to Open a Sealed CD.   Did you receive a CD or DVD for Christmas? If so, perhaps you will relate.

1) Try to slide your fingernail under the edge of the plastic wrapper.

2) Cry because you broke a nail.

3) Wipe your eyes, put the CD case to your mouth and attempt to grab the edge of the plastic with your teeth and rip it open.

4) Scream and drop the CD because you bit your tongue hard in the process.

5) Once your tongue stops throbbing, bend over to pick up the CD case, loose your balance and do your best impression of a swan dive, landing on your head, on the floor.

6) Take an aspirin, put a cold compress on the growing lump on your head, turn in a slow circle and click your heels together three times. Glare at the CD case.

7) Search for your scissors. When you don’t find them, grab a small paring knife. Smile triumphantly. Point the knife down toward the hand holding the CD case and begin careful descent.

8) As you are about to make the first slice in the plastic wrapper, jump with a start as your three-year old rides into the kitchen on his toy car screaming at the top of his lungs, the dog in hot pursuit. The child runs into the back of your knees. The dog barks, startling you as you toss the CD case into the air and swing the knife wildly while you try to keep your knees from buckling. To keep the CD case from falling on your child’s head, lean forward, bring both hands together as if to catch it like a run-a-way ball and stab yourself squarely in the thumb.

9) Go into the bathroom. Run cold water on your thumb until the bleeding stops. Get a band-aid out of the medicine cabinet and wrap it around your thumb. Limp back into the kitchen, lick your wounds, and search for safer tools.

10) Put the CD case carefully on the counter. Light a candle. Say a prayer. Do a rain dance around the kitchen, being careful to avoid all sharp objects, small children and household pets. Inspect the CD case for any sign of progress. Sigh loudly in defeat and collapse in a nearby chair. Hand the CD case to your three-year old and tell him there is candy inside.

Keep smiling. Life could be worse!

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